molly ofgeography

it can be hard to keep all these rowdy youths straight. allow me to help.

alpha sigma phi house

agford “aggy” atreus

• vice president
• business major
• wants to launch deez nuts, a startup which has nut milk delivered fresh to your house weekly
• late at night, he sometimes wonders whether flat earthers have a point
• iliad corollary: agamemnon, leader of the expedition, brother of menelaos

manford “manny” atreus

• president
• kinesiology major
• wants to be a personal trainer and health coach
• thinks ghost farts contribute to global warming
• iliad corollary: menelaos, king of athens, husband of helen

achilles “ac” myrmidon

• social chair
• art history major
• wants to be a history teacher and high school sports coach
• owns so many muscle tees he was once approached by the popular a&e show, hoarders
• iliad corollary: achilles, chief warrior, leader of mymidons

pedro klaus “pk” liebling

• community service chair
• art major (specializing in photography)
• wants to be a photojournalist
• speaks fluent german and spanish
• only rushed because he had a crush on ac freshman year but then immediately got way more into greek life than anyone else in his pledge class — does not know how to like or do things mildly.
• iliad corollary: patroklos, “companion” and “close” “friend” of achilles

phoenix “birdie” cho

• secretary
• drama major
• wants to be the first asian-american james bond
• can bench press more than manny, which is a point of contention between them
• iliad corollary: phoinix, friend and mentor of achilles

ajax “jax” tlamunus

• rush chair & pledge educator
• gender studies major
• wants to be a fireman or emt
• training to be on american ninja warrior
• iliad corollary: ajax, chief warrior after achilles

dio “dio” mendez

• academics chair
• economics major
• plans for post-graduation include [loud construction noises]
• secretly a socialist
• iliad corollary: diomedes, great greek warrior

odysseus “doc” nostos

• treasurer
• agribusiness technology major
• wants to own & run a sustainable farm
• built penelope’s bed and also her beer pong table which folds up with a trick latch for easy moving
• ilia corollary: odysseus, warrior and advisor, star of iliad spinoff, the odyssey

nestor “nessie” pylos

• house manager & risk manager
• hospitality major
• wants to open a vegan restaurant
• learned how to make pastries from his grandmother, a poet
• iliad corollary: nestor, old warrior and chief advisor

posey “poser” dunn

• philanthropy chair
• marine biology major
• wants to be a biologist researcher
• believes in mermaids
• iliad corollary: poseidon, god of the sea

macallister “mack” clay

• pledge
• freshman, undeclared
• raised by a single mother after his dad left when he was a baby 😦
• afraid of milk
• iliad corollary: telemachus, son of odysseus and penelope

dosifei “deuce” bowman

• pledge
• freshman, undeclared
• has not hit his growth spurt & is beginning to think he never will
• once lifted a car to save his pet turtle but has never again accessed that kind of adrenaline
• iliad corollary: teucer, half-brother of ajax

homer bard

• pledge
• freshman, undeclared
• he won a self-driving car in a raffle at the mall when he was 15
• sincerely thinks that mullets look cool
• iliad corollary: author of the iliad and odyssey

calvin “cal” haas

• pledge
• freshman, undeclared
• does tarot every morning and reads everybody’s horoscope but keeping it a secret from the rest of the boys in the house
• iliad corollary: calchas, a soothsayer

jackson “baby jax” “BJ” lochlan

• pledge
• freshman, undeclared
• wants nothing in this life except to literally be ajax
• iliad corollary: ajax the lesser, a greek warrior

alpha delta chi house

hera zoos

• house manager
• political science major
• wants to be a senator
• cites gordon ramsay as her greatest inspiration
• iliad corollary: hera, wife of zeus

athena metis

• rush chair & pledge educator
• business major
• wants to be a finance bro
• started an underground fight club with ares called DUKES UP
• iliad corollary: athena, god of war

nessa clytem

• president
• history major but plans to go to law school
• has seriously considered working for the CIA after scoring “unusually high” on their aptitude test
• iliad corollary: clytemnestra, wife of agamemnon

gia aderastan

• vice president
• biology major but plans to go to med school
• she was born with eleven toes
• iliad corollary: princess aegialia, wife of diomedes (*not actually mentioned in the iliad)

cleo muse

• treasurer & risk manager
• english major
• wants to be a novelist
• has participated in the moth so many times they had to put her on semi-permanent hiatus
• iliad corollary: clio, muse of history and guitar (*not really part of the iliad in a narrative sense)

thalia muse

• social chair
• theater major
• wants to be a stand-up comedian
• one of her many tattoos was done by harry styles after she ran into him at a weird party in london where there was a free tattoo gun
• iliad corollary: thalia, muse of comedy

calliope muse

• secretary
• sophomore
• doesn’t know what she wants to do when she graduates but is thinking maybe a speech therapist
• is convinced that she is going to die of appendicitis
• iliad corollary: calliope, muse of heroic poetry, guide of homer

helen spartowski

• philanthropy chair
• media & communications major
• wants to be an influencer & beauty blogger
• went to fyre fest
• iliad corollary: helen, wife of menelaos

sappho klasma

• communityservice chair
• comparative literature major
• applying to bfa programs and the iowa writers’ workshop
• maintains a successful blog
• hates david foster wallace’s infinite jest so much she once set it on fire as a “performance art project”
• iliad corollary: the poet sappho (not, in fact, in the iliad)

dité pomme

• academic chair
• chemistry major
• wants to be a perfumist
• thinks floral scents are overdone — she wants to smell like french fries
• iliad corollary: aphrodite, goddess of beauty

ariadne webb

• pledge
• freshman, undeclared
• a big comics nerd who almost always cosplays as black widow
• iliad corollary: ariadne, mentioned; does not play a role in actual events

daphne medill

• pledge
• freshman, undeclared
• secretly a very successful hand model and can quote the entirety of reservoir dogs
• iliad corollary: diomede, a slave achilles sleeps with after refusing the messenger from odysseus and ajax

dana yoman

• pledge
• freshman, undeclared
• lactose intolerant but refuses to live like it
• iliad corollary: a different diomede, wife of palas and mother of a trojan warrior

leia doulos

• pledge
• freshman, undeclared
• best friends with mack, who she met at spy camp when they were 12
• iliad corollary: eurycleia, slave woman who raised odysseus and telemachus in the odyssey

nastasya masuma

• pledge
• freshman, undeclared
• came from a very sheltered, gently religious background.
• iliad corollary: naussica, a maiden odysseus meets in the odyssey (not mentioned in the iliad)

trojan house

priam luwian

• president
• business major; plans to take over his family’s charitable foundation when he graduates
• in his heart of hearts he wants to be an old-fashioned private eye
• iliad corollary: priam, king of troy

hector holdfast

• vice president
• sports medicine major
• wants to be an olympic swimmer
• once forgot paris in the bathroom of a mcdonald’s and stranded him in north dakota
• iliad corollary: hektor, might warrior

gilbert “gilly” glau

• community service chair
• junior and environmental science major
• teaches sex education as part of the university’s local outreach program
• has a big embarrassing crush on nastasya
• iliad corollary: glaucus, a powerful trojan warrior

pollard “polly” damas

• academic chair & risk manager
• accounting major
• plans to be in financial management, ideally for a university
• speaks in such a monotone that it’s possible he invented asmr
• iliad corollary: polydamas, a trojan commander

nas pomme

• philanthropy chair
• a junior, undeclared; younger brother of dité
• has been miles morales for halloween every year since he was seven
• iliad corollary: aeneas, son of aphrodite

darius archer

• secretary
• biology major
• wants to be a pediatrician
• has been in a wheelchair since he was 4
• iliad corollary: pandaros, a trojan archer.

antoni pantera

• house manager
• classics major
• wants to be a translator and scholar
• literally only joined the trojans because they don’t have membership dues and it means he gets free housing
• iliad corollary: antenor, a trojan nobleman and advisor to king priam

ares enyo

• rush chair & pledge educator
• in officer training; wants to be a navy seal
• has been known to put on a wig and stand in for absent or injured roller derby girls
• iliad corollary: ares, god of war and lover of aphrodite

apollo “olly” hunter

• social chair
• junior; music production major
• wants to be a producer but also is in the process of developing an app to bring music therapy to low-income kids
• his truest idol is carly simon — he met her once, panicked, and said, “i’m sorry that there was so many boys in trees,” to which she replied calmly, “thank you.”
• iliad corollary: apollo, son of zeus and twin brother of the goddess artemis, apollo is god of the sun and the arts, particularly music.

dylan neia

• treasurer
• journalism major
• wants to write for the players tribune
• frequently dresses as the mascot for university sporting events. no one has asked him to do this. he bought his own costume.
• iliad corollary: dolon, a trojan spy.

eugene tallrik

• pledge
• freshman; undeclared
• turned 18 and got real hot real sudden, to the surprise of himself and everyone around him
• has never successfully opened a capri sun pouch
• iliad corollary: euphorbos, trojan warrior

herman “freddie” mercury

• pledge
• freshman; undeclared
• was recruited for the track team
• very relieved to be called freddie at college since he was called “quickie” in high school and NOT for track-related reasons
• iliad corollary: hermes, messenger to the gods

alexander “paris” holdfast

• pledge
• sophomore; undeclared
• he wants to be brendan urie so bad he can taste it
• began demanding people call him paris after he went to a fortune teller who told him he was “a european at heart.”
• iliad corollary: paris, also called alexandros

solomon “solly” lycian

• pledge
• freshman; undeclared
• recruited for the swim team
• knows mermaids aren’t real but is too scared of posey to say anything
• iliad corollary: sarpedon, son of zeus, river god

unaffiliated students

cuba reyes

• music major
• sings in an indie folk band
• raised by her father and never met her mother
• can hold her breath for 5 minutes but cannot ride a bike
• iliad corollary: hecuba, queen of troy, wife of priam, and mother of hector and paris

andie march

• animal biology major
• competes semi-seriously a boxer and very seriously as a fencer
• wants to own a horse ranch and breed racehorses.
• iliad corollary: andromache, wife of hector who begs him to withdraw from the war and save himself (she is ignored) (obviously)

heffner stuss

• grad student getting a bfa in sculpture
• working with marble & iron primarily
• was kicked out of greek life while in undergrad for never paying his dues and getting in a fight with the then-president
• has a severe limp after an accident as a child.
• iliad corollary: hephaestus, god of fire & metalworking, husband of aphrodite

penelope webster

• theoretical mathematics major
• thinks greek life is kind of stupid
• has an etsy store for woven rugs
• acknowledged beer pong queen
• iliad corollary: penelope, wife of odysseus

delphine pythia

• barista at local coffee shop, the oracle
• physics major
• plays the harp
• iliad corollary: oracle at delphi

artemis “emi” hunter

• junior
• business major
• wants to take over her family’s meat business
• iliad corollary: artemis, goddess of the hunt, the moon, and chastity

saoirse “sorsh” cailleach

• chemistry major
• wants to open a naturopathic healing shop
• wiccan
• makes all her own skin care and sells it at way marked up prices
• iliad corollary: circe, a goddess of magic

breanna “bree” seiss

• education major
• wants to teach special education
• carries star stickers with her wherever she goes, and puts them on all of the graffiti tags she makes
• which is a lot of graffiti tags
• iliad corollary: briseis, a war prize of achilles

chrystina “chrys” aston

• Student in the college of nursing
• wants to become a nurse practitioner
• cheats at almost every game she has ever played
• iliad corollary: chryseis/astynome, daughter of a priest of apollo in a trojan-allied town whom agamemnon takes as a war prize

iris mercury

• freshman; undeclared
• also recruited for the track team alongside twin brother herman
• is convinced she is allergic to nuts. she is not.
• iliad corollary: iris, messenger goddess

thea myrmidon

• sophomore
• undeclared; cousin of AC
• on the sailing team and only going to college because her mother won’t let her live at home for free
• sister of zeke myrmidon, ex-boyfriend & new stepbrother of hera
• iliad corollary: thetis, mother of achilles

callie zhou

• philosophy major
• best friends and roommates with saoirse
• wants to stay in academia forever
• iliad corollary: calypso, the beautiful nymph who falls in love with odysseus in the odyssey.

melanie tho

• sophomore
• undeclared
• runs somewhat popular mean twitter @thatmeltho
• iliad corollary: melantho, slave at odysseus’s palace

teresa “teri” haddeson

• quantum physics graduate student
• long-time RA on campus
• truly does not believe in the concept of time, like, on a quantum level
• iliad corollary: tirseas, a prophet who guides odysseus out of hades

aretha fader

• sociology & anthropology double major
• is coxswain on the crew team
• TA’s for anthropology 101 and has a soft spot for nastasya
• iliad corollary: arete, mother of naussica, queen of the phaeacians (odyssey)

cassandra luwian

• freshman
• undeclared
• younger sister to priam
• is definitely a psychic but doesn’t actually believe in psychics
• iliad corollary: cassandra, daughter of priam, with the power of sight but cursed to never be believed, though this aspect is not mentioned in the iliad