fiction

  • Stories About Not Being Afraid of Ghosts

    It is the last year of my great-grandmother’s life, and she believes she was born to royalty.

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  • Alien Hand Syndrome (Nth Street)

    Cavendish Grotto is seven and a half years of age when he loses control of his right hand.

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  • Amor Vincit Omnia (Nth Street)

    there has never been a shelby.

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nonfiction

  • guns: a revenge fantasy

    i am here at your house, to take away your guns. i am wearing a uniform that could be nebulously FBI-adjacent, maybe an off-shoot of the NSA, maybe i bought it at a halloween costume store, you don’t know. you can’t tell. my badge has an agency listed on it but it’s blurred, slightly, so you can’t read what the letters are. but there are five of me, all identical, all scowling in that way that says I’ve Seen It All, Kid, And Your Posturing Doesn’t Mean Shit To Me. Your Tears Mean Dick To Me, Just So You Know.…

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disaster! an autobiography

  • the time that PAUL MCCARTNEY gave me a swimming lesson

    yoko ofgeography.

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  • the worst email i’ve ever sent

    never tweet dot 2013.

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  • the time i got stuck on a ski lift and almost ruined a family vacation

    i am … not athletic.

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